Mirror Mirror on the Walls

Vista, CA- I have the honor of housesitting for a friend of mine. They have pets, one of which is a large dog. I love big dogs. Women often call me a dog and now I see why. I get along great with big dogs! It takes one to know one.

Anyway, this house I'm in has mirrors EVERYWHERE! Many of the doors, and doors to closets and pantries, are complete mirrors. Every room I go into, everywhere I try to stand is a mirror. There are mirrors all over the place. I'm surprised there aren't any mirrors on ceiling. The tile floor is very clean, almost mirror like. Good thing I'm not wearing a skirt today.

(I'm kidding, I'm a guy. I'm not wearing a skirt.)

The members of this household are a very respectable Christian family. It's not like they use the mirrors for seances or anything. Could the ladies of the household be that vain: that they have to look at themselves all the time? Or is it the men who are in love with their appearance? I don't know.

Why are there so many mirrors? I remember how my dad hated mirrors. He didn't even like to sit in a restaurant that had a mirror where he could see it. When my mom would buy a mirror, he'd make her get rid of it. Was my dad a Vampire? Wait, that doesn't make sense. Supposedly Vampires can't see their reflection. Can non-vampires see the reflections of vampires? Back in my apartment, I have a book that would clarify that for me. Yeah, I use to hunt vampires for a living. Not so much anymore because CA passed a law that makes vampire slaying illegal. Whutevah.

At night, I find myself wondering around the household, checking to make sure the windows and doors are locked, and that all else is well. I have minimum lighting. The dimmed incandescent lights cast out a weak candle like glow down each corridor. In some areas, the dim lighting gives the house a warm feel, like I'm actually in a Thomas Kinkade painting.

However, there are times when I leave my guest bed to wander into the kitchen, perhaps for a snack. Alone in the dark, I am often startled by my own reflections in the mirrors. One night, I was walking out of the bedroom and didn't realize that there was a mirror to my left. I thought some guy was walking up to me. Since I still have my Marine Corps Martial Arts training programmed into my hard drive, I immediately got ready to strike and take down the shadowy figure. To my relief, the horrid creature was just me....my reflection.

It's creepy. I see myself in the present mirrors across the room and to the sides of me. I often test my reflections to make sure they are my own. I make funny faces at myself like a teenage girl in a Facebook photograph. I test the movements and speed of my reflection every now and then just to make sure all is well.
If my reflection hesitates for even a moment, or even dares to refuse to walk like an egyptian, I will bolt out the door in a heartbeat, in my mini skirt and all. LOL.

Take Me Home

by: THRILL



Every night, I say goodbye to my friends and those I love the most
I hop upon my white horse and disappear like a ghost
Into the night we ride, my horse knows the routine
The heartbeat slows down in this old Marine

My eyes are too tired from the battlefield all day
I drift asleep upon his back, my horse knows the way
Moonlight shines through the fingers of the scary trees
My long hair waves in the gentle, cold breeze.

We ride past black castles with windows that shine
I pray one day that one of them will be mine
A quick glance at the nightly images as I ride
A Bible in my sack, and a rifle at my side

An occasional demon or ghostly apparition
Spiritual warfare, or lack of nutrition?
Too tired to stop and fight, my horse would agree
Ride on we will, my enemies can't catch me



Faster and faster, I ride like Paul Revere
The Lord has my soul, whom shall I fear?
The dark road before me, uncertain, with lies
Righteous beams of light shine from my horse's eyes

I hold on tight trying not to give up
When my horse slows down, I yell "Giddy Up!"
After midnight, we cross the country side alone
Very few bars on my cellular phone

Over a creek, and by a foothill meadow
Lost in the black of the moon's shadow
Down one road, and further down another
Leaning forward, holding on to each other

I've been riding into the night for many years
No one can see me cry these painful tears
One last heartbreak kept from being shown
All I ask is that my horse take me home

In The End

The end result can tell us a lot. If I build a car, part by part, I can test to see if I built it correctly by starting it. If the engine runs healthy, I know by the end result that I build this car correctly.

Many times, we can see evidence to our actions by our end result. If I have a drinking problem, then seek help, I can tell whether or not my counseling is positive or not by my latter drinking habits.

A new product arrives on the line and promises to perform a certain way. I purchase this product in hopes that it will uphold to it's purpose. When I go to use the product, I will know whether or not it is of any quality by it's performance.

But sometimes, it's not so complicated and doesn't require a lot of scientific data. For example, if I play a sports game, i.e. basketball, I can tell by the final score whether or not I was victorious. Plain and simple.

Now, what if I was given data (that any person of reason would confirm) that said I won the basketball game. (say my final score was 117, and the opposing team was 108) It is evident that I won, right? What do I do if I'm told that I lost...especially when the facts show I won by 9 points?

Could I fight for the evidential truth? If so, what would I do? What would I need to do? How can one screw up a grilled-cheese sandwich? The score is plain and clear that I was the winner.

This is one reason why I can't stand living.

Let's say someone told me I lost that basketball game when I clearly won it.
I would find their accusations to be wrong. If I was passionate about how hard I worked at winning that game, I would also find it offensive.

But when I present the facts that show what the final score was, how is it that I'm being offensive?
And lets say the evidence I used was a recorded game book that showed a written score tally- Is it fair for those who claim I lost to say they do not approve of what evidence I used to defend my case?

Next thing I know, I'm apologizing for trying to defend myself when I originally was the victim. I'm apologizing because it was untactful to ask the refs for the game score record book. I'm apologizing for being the victim of slander.

Do you think this is silly? I sure as hell do.

Imagine fighting for truth because YOU are a victim....
...then imagine having to apologize because your pain is offensive.
If a rape victim screamed bloody murder while a guy raped her, should she apologize for screaming? Should she apologize for trying to scratch his face? Should she apologize for calling the cops?

I tried so hard and I got so far, but in the end....it doesn't even matter. As a victim, I had to apologize for being hurt.

My Love Note For A Special Girl

So there is this female that I admire. She is extremely gorgeous and I really would like to give her a Valentine's Day note tomorrow.

In fact, I spent a couple of hours working on it. I'm hoping that she will be impressed with it and notices the care I took in making the card.

I'm really hoping that she'll be flattered to receive it from me. Of course, that is the problem. This beautiful note that I made just for her will be from me.

You see, I think she is terrific. I am a little nervous about giving it to her but my butterflies are not what's holding me back. Even if she does admire my gift for her and even if she is willing to choose to love me, am I good enough for her?

She completely passes my standards in flying colors. But do I deserve her to be my Valentine?


Well, I hold this hand-made card in my hand and wonder whether or not to give it to her tomorrow. After I get off work, I'll know where she will be. I could travel to see her, then walk up to her and wish her a great Valentine's Day!

The card I made is SO beautiful. I should make these and sell them as a side hobby.

But as wonderful as she is.... and by gawd she is amazing...
...and as wonderful as this love note is....
..and as wonderful as she would be in my arms...


....I can't do it.
Why should I let her be in my arms when there are better arms she could be in?

Tomorrow, I will read my love letter I wrote for her one more time, saying the words aloud as if she was there by my side,

then burn it.

I'll just pray that she finds better love than I on Valentine's Day.

November Rain

"It's hard to hold a candle in the cold, November rain."

Sundays are my most intense, uncomforting days of the week. All day long, I send my body and soul through intense rigorous gauntlets that beat on my mind and muscle.

I have many friends who are also in pain right now. They too struggle with physical problems and depend on more than just medicine to overcome the despair. Other friends of mine struggle emotionally with broken hearts and shattered feelings. Today, a few of my closest friends are left out in the dark and in the rain. I'm speaking symbolically.

From the early AM, all the way until the evening, I do what I can to help these people I love. Though I am no one special, I try my best to offer encouragement and prayer.

While trying to bring spiritual and physical aide to my people, I still am fighting myself to stay alive on the battlefield. Life is a battle and the war between Good and evil constantly drives on. The wear and tear of trying to do the right thing is difficult. I am emotionally drained from trying to do what is right. I could quit, but then the enemy would win.

I look forward to things on a Sunday like working with my high school kids, helping them study Bible verses and an evening of basketball. I play basketball with some real warriors. I fight tooth and nail to keep up to par with these amazing men. They all perform differently but move with such speed, skill, and stamina.

And now as the day comes to a close, the thunder rolls, and the rain beats down me. Now it's my turn to be in the dark and in the rain. My body steams from the intense work out and I look to cool my skull with the pouring water.

I hate this time of the day... the closing hour... the final scene before the screen goes black and the words "Executive Producer..." appear. The pain I've shared with my friends, as well as personal hurts my own heart received today finally catch up to me. Like the cold, today's insults and struggles wrap my body. The emotional and physical pain keeps me warm in the dark.

Darkness, cold air, falling rain, loud silence, and myself all holding on to the final heartbeats of the night. A battalion of demons surround my home, and breathe heavily on my window. This little Light of mine, I'm still gonna let it shine. But as the elements of the night pour down hard on me, it's hard to keep that light shining.

It's hard to hold a candle in these hard times. To my friends out there who are in pain too... remember, nothing last forever, even cold November rain.

This is my mom. There are many like her but this one is mine.

There are some things that no child should ever witness their mother do. On a yellow legal notepad, one could easily fill out a few thousand examples of disturbing acts that could traumatize a young infant, or break the heart of an older son/daughter.

I do love my mother and talk to her often. It is very difficult to have a real conversation with her because English is not her primary language. She shuts out the American culture. When she does embrace our customs, she accepts common pop-culture, new trendy concepts, or liberal education.

I love my mom because God tells me to do so. If it weren't for Him, I'd boot my mom from my life entirely. Yet by loving her, I constantly have to turn my cheek from her stupid and ignorant sins she freely chooses to act upon.

Since my mom was always away from home growing up, my dad raised me. It was just me and him....and all his beautiful female secretaries. They helped take me to school, cleaned our house, and make me meals from time to time. My dad was quite the Howard Stark in his company, but my mom had other professions.

At times, I have had to "borrow" other mother figures in my life. They have all done a superb job in raising me. One of the biggest founding mothers of my Christian zeal, I owe to Jane Pichette of Vista, CA. Like Jane, there have been many women and men of all ages that have been a parental figure in my life. I do love their guidance and of course, will not cease loving my own dad and mom. I remain in contact with my parents and speak to them often, mainly by phone.

Painful memories have echoed through the silence in between words of short phone calls but nothing prepared me for the shock I received tonight on my cell phone. As if the devil wasn't already working me from all angles under the sun, here comes another blow to my head. My mom sends me some devastating text messages to me....well, they were actually photos.



.... no.... much worse....





I don't know why I'm alive. I'm constantly reminded of how much I've failed or how wrong or how horrible I am. I don't understand why Christ would love me.

Our modern church is so dead it's hard to find real brothers and sisters in Christ that I can cry and pray with. I was at a Christian store recently and after my purchase/transaction, the cashier asked, "Is there anything I can pray about for you?"

I told her no... I didn't want her to have nightmares.

It's Not What You Know, It's Who You Know!

City of Vegas? More like the City of VISTA!- What a day! I went for a painful run first thing in the morning. Then, I went to the bank. The teller flirted with me hard only because I was depositing a few thousand in cash. Sorry, that dough is for a special girl, not you. LOL. I had lunch with a couple of funny cats. One was cute, the other was mad. But I guess we're all mad here. After that, I did a little bow and arrow training ( I shot a Styrofoam bear!). I relaxed by taking a dive into studying the Ante Nicene Church Fathers. I messed around at Michael's, and finally ended up with a bunch of people at Boomers! The day was just packed!

So I'm at Boomers, a place with arcade games, go-carts, and miniature golf courses, and it turns out that one of my friends knows how to work the system with tickets! Like in the Vegas movies with card counters, my friend knew how to beat the ticket machines with the timing of dropping a token. He was so well at this, the tickets were pouring out of the machine. Not exactly counting cards in a game of Black Jack, but wow... he had these machines on lock down!

I tried to play the ticket games but only scored maybe 4 to 12 tickets at a time. My friend walks up, studies the machine, and carefully times exactly when to drop the token. The tickets were flooding in mad! I'm just standing next to him watching him score again and again and again. I'm collecting so many tickets, all the little kids around me are all mad-dogging me. I'm like, "That's right.... Can I get a wheel barrel?"

Tickets were just piling up in my pockets. We were cleaning the place out! I was screaming, "Ladies, root beer floats are on me!" I kept thinking security was going to come after us, take us out to the alley, and Robert De Niro would ban us from this family fun center!

Instead, we cashed in all our tickets. Since we couldn't figure out where we'd put the lava lamp or inflatable mallet, we just used our tickets to buy A LOT of candy, a dinosaur, a few tops, and other pieces of crap. Good times!

Does Anyone See What I See?

"When a trout rising to a fly gets hooked on a line and finds himself unable to swim about freely, he begins with a fight which results in struggles and splashes and sometimes an escape. Often, of course, the situation is too tough for him.

In the same way the human being struggles with his environment and with the hooks that catch him. Sometimes he masters his difficulties; sometimes they are too much for him. His struggles are all that the world sees and it naturally misunderstands them. It is hard for a free fish to understand what is happening to a hooked one."

-Karl A. Menninger

Every night, multitudes of demons run after me, trying to slam hooks in between the bones of my ribcage. The intensity of the dark nights take a toll on my heart. It is unreal the level of spiritual warfare I engage in every day, multiplied by the oppositions that constantly cut my happiness in two. The pain I endure is indescribable, and I can't help but shed a tear.

I feel baptized by the cold rain that pours over my brow as I take a deep breath of clean, cold air. I wish someone could witness just one hour of what I see every night. Am I alone, left in the lost shadows, fighting evil all by myself?

I can rejoice because there is at least one other person who can witness the pain inflected upon me. I am thankful that Christ burns in my heart of my cold body. He is aware of the night and guides me through to the next hour. He hears me crying, screaming toward the heavens...and His love rests my soul.

In Dreams

Temecula, CA- Ever since I was a small child, I often would have a dream about once a year, that would be unlike most of my other dreams. These dreams would be so vivid and amazing, that when I would wake up, I would be shocked that the events that took place were all just a dream.

Last night, I had one of these dreams. It felt so realistic. The events that took place seemed as alive as when I'm awake. Sure, I've had violent nightmares and dreams brought on by post-traumatic stress from combat, but these particular dreams I'm talking about would be pleasant. It's usually the violent dreams that are vivid and clear. But every now and then, like last night, I will have a pleasant dream that would be remarkable.

Well, it was so remarkable, that when I woke from it, I was devastated. My heart fell and I just laid there looking up at the ceiling. I was so emotionally crushed, I couldn't bring myself to move. I tried what most people try to do. I closed my eyes and hoped I'd resume the dream.

Today, leaving work, I was at a stop light and looked to my left. I saw an open field. The setting sun casted a beautiful glow on the amber waves of grain. The beautiful reflection reminded me of this dream I had last night.

The life I live is not easy. I am constantly at war and moving from battlefield to battlefield. (These days, I speak symbolically) Maybe sometimes when I have dreams like this, or see an image in the nature around me, it's really God giving me a break from these hard times.

Hopefully, later tonight, I can have another one of these grand, pleasant dreams, and escape this reality for just a moment.

"True, I talk of dreams,
Which are the children of an idle brain,
Begot of nothing but vain fantasy,..."

The Broken

Tonight, I'm on NetFlix and I'm watching the most BIZARRE movie ever. Yup, I'm watching a movie from my DroidX phone; awesome.

Well, I wanted to see an action movie that I've never seen before so I began searching the list of titles. I came across a movie starring actress Lena Headey. You might remember her from the movie 300.



She's very tall, healthy, and comes across the silver screen in a powerfully, gorgeous manner. So I decided to view this movie she's in. The movie is called, The Broken! ...ooooooh....

Yeah, sounded really cool and interesting... but it's not!
This movie is totally BIZARRE!




First of all, it starts off incredibly slow. After for what seemed like forever, a mirror in the dining room finally broke. While using a payphone, a girl that looks exactly like her drives by a Jeep Cherokee. She trips out because it's the same vehicle she drives and the driver looks exactly like her.



All this stuff is happening, nothing's really happening, I don't know what's happening, things are just happening. I'm daydreaming about work, fishing, and....oh, there is one thing happening in the entire movie. Lena Headey's character is walking around everywhere with high heels. You hear them clack through the whole movie.

CLACK, CLACK, CLACK, CLACK, CLACK, CLACK, CLACK, Nothing's happening, something about a birth defect with the heart, CLACK, CLACK, CLACK, CLACK, CLACK, CLACK, CLACK, she's walking here, walking there, maybe that's why she has such great legs: all the walking in this movie. CLACK, CLACK, CLACK, CLACK, CLACK, CLACK, what's going on? Another mirror broke!

Finally, most of the movies budget went into a scene where she crashes her Jeep Cherokee.

Then, you guest it... CLACK, CLACK, CLACK, where is she going, CLACK, CLACK, CLACK, nothing's happening.



She's naked in some scenes, but you don't see anything. She opens the mirror in the bathroom to grab some asprin, or something, I don't know, I wasn't really paying attention, but I assume she's going to close the mirror and the dead asian chick will be behind her, or in the reflection.

NOPE!!!!! She closes the mirror and NOTHING HAPPENS! Seriously? I'm surprised she's not naked with only her high heels on. No clacking in this scene, THANK GOD!



She's all cut up from the wreck. I keep waiting for her reflection to distort or bleed all over the place, but nothing happens. There's just a lot of great shots of her face and neck. Lena Headey has a great neck in all her movies... well, this is the second movie I've seen her in.



She has a pretty neck. I'm not crazy crazy about it but it is nice enough to notice. I'm surprised she's not in more movies. Ironically, she's in this one. Oh, I almost forgot...

CLACK, CLACK, CLACK, CLACK, CLACK, CLACK, CLACK, CLACK, CLACK, CLACK, CLACK, CLACK, CLACK, CLACK, ...yeah, she just went upstairs only to turn around and walk back down stairs. I wonder if In N Out is still open? Can you believe there's an In N Out right outside the fitness gym I work out at? Is that injustice, or what?



More mirrors are breaking; is it Friday yet? I thought it said this movie was an hour and a half... I feel like it's longer than the second Lord of the Rings movie.

She's a doctor in this movie. The director spends about four hours filming a spilled cup of coffee. She just stares at it. CLACK, CLACK, CLACK, CLACK, CLACK, CLACK, CLACK.



This movie is bizarre. I think all her friends are dying but no...her friends are not dying. It's actually really predictable and I CAN'T TURN IT OFF!

Oh, JOY she's in the subway, now! CLACK, CLACK, CLACK, CLACK, CLACK, CLACK, CLACK, CLACK, CLACK, CLACK, CLACK, CLACK, CLACK, CLACK. But the exit is locked, so she has to walk back to where she came from! You guessed it: CLACK, CLACK, CLACK, CLACK, CLACK, CLACK, CLACK,CLACK, CLACK, CLACK, CLACK, CLACK, CLACK, CLACK, CLACK, CLACK, CLACK, CLACK, CLACK, CLACK, CLACK, CLACK, CLACK, CLACK, CLACK, CLACK, CLACK, CLACK.



Finally, the ending wraps up with intensity. I actually think the end could save the movie.... no, it's predictable. What I predicted is EXACTLY what ends up happening. Dang, really?

This movie is so bizarre and horrible... it's actually not bad.



CLACK, CLACK, CLACK, CLACK, CLACK, CLACK!

God Keep Those I've Lost

The streets at night are lonely. The darkness is abundant with sorrow and the aftermath of pain. Life truly hurts. I can feel the pain in every cell in my body. I think my heart aches because it stopped beating.

I have made it a habit to fight every second of my life. When I fall to the ground, I don't waste my time dusting off the dirt. I get right back up and start swinging. God blessed me with two fists that I can use to take out demons, one right after an other. I feel the fatigue when the demon I have to fight is myself.

I live life in the fast line. It doesn't slow down one bit. But sometimes, things happen in our lives that make us realize that we are moving too fast. We go through life so fast that we take for granted the blessings God has given us. We assume that those we love will always be there. We often ignore the inevitable.

Sometimes, we have to face the reality of losing a loved one. Sadly, it isn't until they are gone that we regret not spending enough time with that person. Only God can give us a Promise that we can see those we've lost again.

What hurts is when the smallest and shortest memory you have with someone who is gone, is a memory that burns in your heart hotter than fire. Crying is only the tip of the ice burg.

I fight every day and night against demons who come after my soul. Those who love me fight by my side. It just hurts when the world takes someone you love, someone who has fought for you to live.

Dead to Rights

Southern California- These summer nights burn hot, no matter how cold the fog gets. I sit in the dark under some quiet candle light.

I try to imagine this life like a movie. Today, I saw the plot, the very reason I should live. I met the hero too... and no, it's not me. I'm no hero.

I saw beauty, I saw heaven. I saw the ugly, and the stench of hell today. I know what I must fight for. I know what I must wage war with. Though I roam the night alone, I am fully aware of who my enemies are: ..and they are coming to destroy me.

I sit here at my hero's desk, scattering myself over a Bible, realizing that the chief general to the army I am at war with is... myself. In this movie, men like me don't have happy endings. If I'm lucky, I might get to ride off into the sunset, before I get myself killed.

Beside me always, is my gal Kimberly. She is gorgeous, firm, and looks incredible in black. I wrap my hand around her, and I swear I hear her whisper that she'll never leave me. I slide my magazine deep into her, then rack the slide. ...Gorgeous. Men like me don't have happy endings.

My eyes look up at the window and I know it's time for me to ride the night. I never sleep anymore. I am a demon who trembles at the presence of Christ, fighting for a future I'll never see. I realize I'm nothing; I am nothing who believes that I should fight for Something.

It's dark outside now, and time to begin my ritual. Evil never sleeps and neither do I. Maybe I can be the tip of the spear that suppresses it from attacking those I love. I don't want to go at this war alone; men like me don't have happy endings.

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil. For God is with me. May He help me destroy my enemies....

...even if I have to destroy myself.

A Happy New Year?

A Happy New Year? Let's hope so.

A lot happened to me in 2010. I started the year off with no job. Finding a job, even a temporary crappy one, was impossible. While my bills grew larger and larger, it rained harder and harder. Remember all that rain fall last Spring? My truck broke down too, which left me hopping from bus to bus, train to train. But, I kept my head up.

All 2010 year long, corruption ran abundantly in this nation that I love. Corruption hit this country hard, as well as bleeding into my personal life. While trying to face the music by standing up for what is right, my actions caused me to side with God, which caused me to lose standing with many of my friends. I even picked up several enemies along the way.

In 2010 alone, I lost more friends on Facebook than I gained. I also received four major death threats that were due to my beliefs as a Christian. In turn, those I hoped would support me in times of darkness abandoned my side when the $#!+ really hit the fan. I did have a select few who remained by my side, and told me to not drop my sword. I thank God for these obvious people, and for those Silent Stars.

All year long, I persevered- holding onto my Judeo-Christian, conservative, patriotic, non-pussied beliefs. I held on to not giving up in hard times. I found strength in the one true God to help me make it through this retarded economy and dying national government. While 2010 slowly dragged on, it eventually turned around.

God brought me people to give me strength in my hard times. These people helped feed, clothe, support, and pray for me. One even gave me a chance in helping me achieve a wonderful job. My personal finances slowly began to heal as 2010 came to an end... but the Spiritual Warfare remained violent.

All 2010, confessing before mankind that you are a Christian ( a real Christian, not that pussy-foot, sweater kind) was a real nightmare. To try to live life making decisions that please God, rather than pleasing man, is a real bitch. Life becomes miserable, unenjoyable, and definitely emotionally taxing. All 365 days of 2010 was a fight for righteousness....

...a fight that is definitely worth it.

Now, we begin 2011. It's hard to see 2011 as a "happy" and "new" year. If anything, it's another year to keep on battling the evils that destroy what we Americans love the most. I plan on battling... even harder.

I plan on stepping it up a notch this year. I want to be a leader, and help those who are seeking justice, by finding it. I plan on naming the "evils" that I talk about. I plan on explaining in detail WHAT evils are destroying the fabric of righteousness in this country.

It'll only get worse, but I will not back down.

Happy New Year.... here I come.

Closing Time

This is my favorite time: when my neighboring citizens call it a night.

After a final meal, I look over my empty table and gaze into the blackness of the night. So many little lights and sparkling colors throughout the distance. Depending on what part of the city I'm in, I could be showered with the bland orange lighting of high pressure sodium street lamps.

The cold night air moves in and I take my first breath of cold humidity. Not that south Texas humidity that causes your naked body to stick to the leather. Every night I walk this city, embracing the mist.

As this day comes to an end, I fear what may happen when I close my eyes. What does the devil have in store for me next? Hell, I woke up this morning to a phone call telling me that my closest friend has now become my enemy. "Keep your friends close; keep your enemies closer." A phrase that can be found in Christianity and in the mob.

For every moment I rest, the enemy only grows stronger. It's foolish to pretend that there is no enemy. Everyday there is an evil working hard to destroy my American way of life. And then there's humanity. What challenges of this lost society will I have to deal with tomorrow? Will I have enough ammunition to take on the fight and be victorious in battle?

Loretta signals to me that it's time to close up. Waitresses don't get tipped enough.

Every night I walk this city, embracing the mist.

A Heart for Marriage

What a day... Oh my God, what a day.

My day kicked off with an amazing sermon at a church, with a pastor that knows how to preach. I felt convicted in a great way. Where is my heart at? What is my heart made of? What does my heart stand for? Do I have a darkend heart?

The morning moved on and I was immediately frightened. I went from feeling ready to be the next UFC Fighter (because real Christianity kicks ass) -then I felt really, really frightened. Some of my closest friends were in emotional pain. One of my friends was on the verge of suicide... being hours away, all I could do was pray that I'd see my friend again safely.

Then later in the afternoon, I had the honor of attending a 50th birthday party of a woman who had been married for 29 years. It was foreign to me to see such a large crowd of people, all from the same bloodline, come together to celebrate one person's birthday. I was the only one present at my dad's 50th birthday. Yet seeing so many loved ones gathered made me... emotional.

All went well. I enjoyed the food of this gorgeous Italian restaurant in Encinitas, sipping on my champagne, and ice water. It was hot today. With the pain in my back, and knowing I had a basketball game in the evening, I had a nice cold glass of Gentlemen Jack on the rocks to loosen my body pains that I still feel from my time in the Marines. Still, what a day of celebration and cheer. It was an honor being at this event.

Atlast, it came to toast to the birthday lady. The husband, a noble man of honor and dignity, had the loud crowd all raise a glass. We did end up toasting the event, and I admired this man's charisma. He then got on a knee before his beautiful queen and said something... I couldn't hear what he said...

...but I saw the expression on his wife's face.

She couldn't hold back the tears, and leaped out towards her king with a hug and a loving kiss. It stunned my heart. Tears poured from her eyes not because she was touched by the moment; tears poured from her eyes because the love she had for her husband was... eternal.

I cry just remembering her expression.

I have rarely had the blessing of seeing a man and a woman express such love for one another. I marvel how a couple who has been married for so long still have undying, earth shattering love for one another.


I thought of this morning's sermon again... what kind of heart do I have? Could I love my spouse like that? Do I have what it takes to show someone that kind of love?

If real l0ve is sacrifice, do I have it in my heart to make sacrifices? What am I willing to do to love someone like that?

House-sitting Prayers

Vista, CA- I'm housesitting tonight, in a really warm home, fading fast, all alone. What a long day it has been. I woke up this morning to the sad news of an young woman in Northern Iraq who got stoned and kicked to death. Horrible.

After a long day at work, one of my closest friends was emotionally torn from the injustice.

Injustice... so common in todays times. I guess there's always been injustice in this world. I can only wonder whether or not there are any true heroes left to battle the injustice we are surrounded with. Are there any heroes left?

I continue to walk around this beautiful home I house sit and notice thousands of pictures on the wall, of children, family, and friends. I wonder if I'll ever have a home of my own with similar pictures of my children, family, and friends as well. I hope that the injustices of this world don't delete my hopes of having such a dream.

That girl that got stoned to death had dreams. Will anyone fight for the hopes she lost? She was a child on someone's picture on someone's wall in someone's house.

Oh, God, I wish there was something more I could do to defeat the evil injustices than just sit here alone in this house.

It's quite in this warm house. It's quiet like the still before a storm.

"What are you waiting for? ...the signal!"

Batman Returns (1992)- My favorite scene actually isn't one with Michelle Pfeiffer's black, vinyl cat-suit. It's one of the early scenes...

After Gotham has gone chaotic, and before the Bat-signal shines into the sky, the director shows Bruce Wayne, played by comedian Michael Keaton, who could be remembered as one of the best actors to portray Batman, sitting alone in the dark at Wayne Manor.

The shot first shows the dark, quiet castle known as Wayne Manor. Next, you find Bruce Wayne sitting in his library thinking. It's unclear what he's thinking about, but it is obvious he isn't asleep. Next, the Bat-signal shines across the dark, stormy sky; the bat-lights outside Wayne Manor kick on, lighting up the dark library catching Bruce Wayne's attention.

Bruce Wayne leaves his deep thoughts, and stands towards the shine of the signal. Duty calls, and now Bruce Wayne must become Batman.

I believe this scene captures so much of what I go through in life. I lose a lot of sleep thinking... concentrating hard on what was, what is, and what is to come. Like Bruce Wayne, I sit alone in the dark, in silence, and alone. What am I thinking about?

I think about how it is unpleasant to stand up for what is right. I think about how much I am sacrificing in order to stand up to do the right thing. I spend my nights praying and asking God for guidance, concerned for those I love. Just as Batman believed fighting for Gotham, I feel that there is a calling for me to fight for America.

People don't like me. They'd rather believe the rumors they hear about me and make up their minds about who I am, rather than seeking me personally to ask for the truth. It's hard to tell my friends from my enemies. I sit alone in the dark, thinking... thinking... waiting... not looking forward to what God wants me to do.

But just as the Bat-signal shines across the dark sky, the calling God places on my heart kicks on, and I know it's time to stand up for what is right. I love my God, I love my country, and I love you. Sure, like Christ, I ask if these cups be passed to someone else....but I'm the one who is called upon. The Bat-signal is only for Batman. The call in my heart is only for me.

And though Christ will bring division in my life, I will stand towards the Light, fight for righteousness, and do the right thing.

What a day!

Glendora, CA- Well, what a day. I woke up this morning and lost my wallet. It had everything in it too. Now I have to close down all my accounts and reorder everything. Sheesh. Driver's License and SS Card too!

Thanks to God, I have friends who help me out and spotted me the cash I needed to go to work today. Now, I just need to figure out how to get home. Right now, I'm sitting in a parking lot reflecting on my day. That never goes well. I wish I had a million dollars. I'd take us all out to dinner tonight, and yes, we can get some appetizers.

The wind is cool, and there is a slight breeze. Plenty of bright lights and colorful signs that remind me that laser eye surgery was the best investment ever. All of my vision is in High Definition...like God now upgraded my life from DVD to BlueRay.

There's a HUGE motion picture mural of this AMC Movie Theatre located right in front of me. Marilyn Monroe poses her mouth as if she wants something.... but I don't care what that something is because I never was into Marilyn Monroe. I was always a Grace Kelly or Ann Margaret kind of guy.

After a day of being on the road, and checking my Facebook from WiFi McDonald's, it is exhausting to be alive in this day and age. Today, I learned a school in this country suspended students for wearing the American flag. I also learned that if you're a Christian who stands up for what is right, you'll be the only one standing. I also learned that Hwy 71 connects to Hwy 57!

But the last tid bit that I did learn, is that you can take cut hair and stuff it into womens' pantyhose, and then use that to soak up spilled oil in water. It's a scientific breakthrough. There's even talks that the manager, Angeli Prutz, of SportClips Carlsbad, is seeking to donate all the cut hair to this process as well. This could be a great solution to help clean up oil spells in our ocean: cut hair and pantyhose. For more on what the hell I'm talking about, check out Matter of Trust .org.

http://www.matteroftrust.org/

Well, try to get some sleep America. I'll stay up tonight making sure the enemy doesn't try to destroy our nation.